


What If?

by magpief7



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Daydreaming, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ep 85, F/F, Fantasy, First Kiss, Fluff, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Secret Crush, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21520246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magpief7/pseuds/magpief7
Summary: On the edge of sleep, a tired Beau wonders what her life could've been in a series of 'what if's'. Her mind wanders to Molly, to Yasha, and of course, to Jester."And what if, in that moment, there was enough heat between them to power a billion suns?"
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	What If?

Beau tries to sleep in the guest bedroom of the Evening Nip. It isn’t going very well. Too many questions are racing through her mind.

“What are we going to do next?”

“What will we do when we see Obann again?”

“What is his end game?”

“Why does the Gentleman keep denying the he’s Jester’s father?”

“What was it that made Jester get up so suddenly, and why isn’t she back yet?”

“When did I start to have these feelings for her?”

“What am _I_ going to do next?”

Beau hears Nott’s voice from their earlier conversation:

_“What if?”_

* * *

_What if Beau had been born to different parents?_   
All of those days spent learning etiquette, stealing wine, wearing dresses might not have happened. Maybe Beau would have actually been an honors student. Maybe Beau and Tori would still be together. But then, Beau wouldn’t have become a monk- wouldn’t have met The Nein. What then? A job? A house? A _mortgage?_ It all seems so foreign and strange.

_What if The Mighty Nein had saved Molly?_   
What would he say about this whole situation? Would his confident demeanor have cracked somewhere along the way? Would Beau still be the same person? So many hours spent grieving, watching the others grieve, wondering who he was before he was Molly. Beau wonders if she would’ve liked that person. But there’s nothing to be done there.

_What if The Mighty Nein had saved Yasha?_   
Maybe the gang would be doing something entirely different right now. Making costumes for TravelerCon? Resurrecting Caduceus’s lost old hero? Maybe Beau could’ve stayed with Reani for another night. Maybe Beau would be able to sleep right now because there wouldn’t be an assassin threatening their every moment.

_What if Obann had gone to Kamordah to kill Beau’s family instead of retrieving the skull?_  
Would Beau have cried? Would Beau be able to forgive Yasha? What family would be left for Beau after her brother’s death? Would the Nein have dropped everything to help her get revenge?

_What if The Nein were taken away from her?_   
Then there would really be nothing left. Beau would probably turn to Dairon for counsel and for revenge. Beau had worked so hard to help out this family, no one would take them away from her. But, that’s what they all said about Yasha, and look how that turned out.

_What if The Nein didn’t really like Beau, what if they abandoned her?_   
Probably a silly thought, they had been through so much together already. It wasn’t like the early days in Trostenwald anymore. They liked each other now.

_What if Jester liked Fjord and not Beau?_   
It would probably still be fine, right? They would make a nice couple. Would Beau be able to make eye contact with Jester afterwards, knowing the mistake she had made? Would Dairon chide Beau about getting too close?

_What if Jester_ did _like Beau?_   
A lot of blushing probably. Nott would shout something about being the best matchmaker _as well_ as being the best detective in all of Exandria. Dairon might be upset, but Beau has done enough to upset them already, what’s one more thing?

What if Jester were cuddling with Beau right now?   
_Skin and clothes closer together than ever before - Warmth to stave off the chilly night air._

What if Beau turned around and looked at her face?   
_Just a little glance, it wouldn’t hurt anybody - Sight beyond measure._

What if Beau brushed back her hair to see her eyes more clearly?   
_Tentatively, with the gentlest hand possible – Hair, soft as silk._

What if Beau leaned in closer?  
 _Not too close to offend, but close enough to make Beau’s heart skip a beat - Centimeters away from salvation._

What if Beau saw Jester start to blush?   
_A purple - Deep and meaningful._

What if Beau could feel Jester’s breath begin to quicken?   
_Life - Given._

What if time stopped there and Beau lived in that one passing moment?

_Perfect and clear._

No assassins, no mind-controlling demons, no asshole fathers, no reason to run, just Jester.

Nothing but Jester’s purple eyes.

Jester’s sheer nightgown.

Jester’s messy bedhead.

Jester’s cheeks.

Jester’s freckles.

Jester’s lips.

_Oh, Jester’s lips_.

Nothing but Jester’s lips and Beau’s lips pressing together.

And what if, in that moment, there was enough heat between them to power a billion suns?

And what if, in that moment, Beau wanted to sing a song to the gods for letting her live long enough to have at least this one kiss?

And what if, in that moment, Beau wondered if everything that had come before this even mattered?

And what if, in that moment, there was nothing more to lose?

What if, in that moment, Jester smiled?

What would Beau do then?

Maybe she would say, “I love you, Jes.” It wouldn’t be the first time, nor would it be the last. Maybe Beau would smile herself. Maybe Beau would look so deeply into Jester’s eyes that she would never be the same. Maybe some caressing. Maybe more kissing. More heat. One more moment with _her_. What if that would be enough?

What if. _What if._

* * *

Beau breathes out through her nose, rolls over in bed, and looks out the door where she watched Jester step out not too long ago. Beau should really try to sleep, who knows where they’ll be in the morning?

Some very faint footsteps echo from outside the door. Cautiously, Jester peeks in to make sure she isn’t waking anyone. Beau tries not to move. It’s pretty clear that Jester has been crying, if not only for her bloodshot eyes, but for the fact that she isn’t trying to pretend right now. Beau wants to hug, maybe kiss her.

_What if?_

But Beau rolls over again, closes her eyes, and finally falls asleep.


End file.
